I’m trying

I am a habitual try-er.  Somewhere in my history I picked up this defining habit of trying harder. It has become this vice-grip on my life. When I feel like I am underachieving I take a deep breath, tighten the vice and I…

Try harder.

It squeezes me, making me feel increasingly more pressure. Slowly, turn by turn, it begins to crush me. I realize how futile this kind of living is. It becomes futile to every aspect of my life and at the center is my spiritual life.

A life of trying is futile because everything I do in life is about what I can do. The more I live this “try harder” life, the more I realize how incapable to the task I am.

This “try harder” problem I have is probably the most frustrating aspect of my life. Unfortunately when I find myself trying harder, everything in me wants to try harder to stop trying harder!

Am I crazy? Am I the only one struggling with this habit? Where do you find yourself?

4 responses to “I’m trying”

  1. Sometimes trying harder also takes the Holy Spirit out of the equation. When we feel we aren’t meeting expectations or that whatever the thing is that we feel we need to try harder at, sometimes we quench the Holy Spirit. I do this too, I take all the respoinsibility on myself to do what “it” is when it is not mine to do, it’s God’s. I almost put more faith in the belief that we can do anything if we work hard enough or smart enough instead of letting God do His thing. Okay, I’m done rambling now.

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