I remember watching the news at this time last year and hearing the stories of the unemployed. I also remember hearing personal stories of those I knew who where looking for jobs. I distinctly remember being grateful that I had a job and it was one that I loved.
How blessed I was to be in that position…
That was then and this is now. I have been unemployed for 2 months now. Two months where I have been living on my savings and from help from people whom I love and who love me. Some people don’t realize this, but I am not eligible for unemployment. Churches don’t pay into the system and thus, I cannot get benefits like other Americans. But – I also didn’t get laid off, I chose to leave my job in order to be closer to my kids.
Being unemployed has definitely been one of the hardest things I have ever encountered in my life. Financial matters are magnified. Selling a home becomes all the more crucial. Trying to communicate your job skills in a very competitive job environment is hard when “church management” doesn’t seem to be valued in the mainstream marketplace.
Spiritually you struggle to stay focused on the fact that your worth is found in the price God was willing to pay for you when everything around you screams you are not worth much. Satan whispers doubts and lies in your ears as you try to bounce back from disappointments.
Disappointment also comes in knowing that I have gotten away from what I am really all about. It is really easy to sit around in the disappointment and loss. The question remains, even in the hard times, “How am I loving God and loving people?” and I unfortunately have to say that it’s not been too great. I have been too focused on me and not on others. That has to change. My circumstances can’t dictate whether I choose to obey or not. Obedience is crucial.
This time in my life has been a learning experience and I want to take what I have learned and do and be what Christ wants me to be…