Are you striving for something, chasing something (outside of Christ), that if you quit chasing tomorrow you wouldn’t know who you are?
I have struggled with this my whole life. As a child, I was always Debbie and Dwayne’s oldest son. As a teen, I was the talented singer. As a young man, I was pastor, husband and father of two.
Three years into my ministry as a worship pastor, I felt lost and over my head. I also, felt like God was calling me into something else. I wasn’t sure what that was yet, but in the process of finding out, I walked away from ministry. I wasn’t a pastor anymore. I wasn’t singing much either for awhile, so I lost two of my most identifying roles immediately. I quickly fell into a depression and I was lost without these roles in my life. Most importantly, I had lost sight of my place with Christ and sadly, that affected my ability to be the leader in my home God desired me to be.
There were a lot of reasons I chose to jump back into ministry somewhere after that. One major one was my need to be known again as “pastor”. I had this unhealthy need to be needed in that role. It wasn’t just a calling for me, it was an ego boost.
Then, in 2009, my marriage fell apart and I lost my identity as husband after my divorce.
Now, in 2011, I am no longer anyone’s husband and I currently am not serving as anyone’s pastor. I’ll be honest, some days I don’t know what to do with myself. What I’ve realized through all of this life of mine, is that God uses all of this pain to remind me of one simple truth.
When everything is stripped away and all the labels are gone, my identity is that of DISCIPLE and CHILD OF GOD.
And when it comes down to it, all my other roles should flow through those. Those two roles should define my life – as a son, singer, husband, pastor, and father. I’ll be honest, that hasn’t always been the case.
What about you?