Who Am I? – Part 2

Yesterday, I began a discussion on the topic of identity (If you missed it, check it here). It all started with this question from Crosspoint Church’s Justin Davis…

Are you striving for something, chasing something (outside of Christ), that if you quit chasing tomorrow you wouldn’t know who you are?

I have struggled with this my whole life. As a child, I was always Debbie and Dwayne’s oldest son. As a teen, I was the talented singer. As a young man, I was pastor, husband and father of two.

Three years into my ministry as a worship pastor, I felt lost and over my head. I also, felt like God was calling me into something else. I wasn’t sure what that was yet, but in the process of finding out, I walked away from ministry. I wasn’t a pastor anymore. I wasn’t singing much either for awhile, so I lost two of my most identifying roles immediately. I quickly fell into a depression and I was lost without these roles in my life. Most importantly, I had lost sight of my place with Christ and sadly, that affected my ability to be the leader in my home God desired me to be.

There were a lot of reasons I chose to jump back into ministry somewhere after that. One major one was my need to be known again as “pastor”. I had this unhealthy need to be needed in that role. It wasn’t just a calling for me, it was an ego boost.

Then, in 2009, my marriage fell apart and I lost my identity as husband after my divorce.

Now, in 2011, I am no longer anyone’s husband and I currently am not serving as anyone’s pastor. I’ll be honest, some days I don’t know what to do with myself. What I’ve realized through all of this life of mine, is that God uses all of this pain to remind me of one simple truth.

When everything is stripped away and all the labels are gone, my identity is that of DISCIPLE and CHILD OF GOD.

And when it comes down to it, all my other roles should flow through those. Those two roles should define my life – as a son, singer, husband, pastor, and father. I’ll be honest, that hasn’t always been the case.

What about you?

5 responses to “Who Am I? – Part 2”

  1. Great post Jason! it sucks that it usually takes pain, heartache and hurt to bring us to the point of realizing whose we really are. I’m proud of you and praying for you.

    • Thanks Justin. That message Sunday really spoke to me. It made me realize that although God has definitely blessed us all with gifts, those of us in ministry often move that direction to be “identified”. God has to grab ahold of us to really use us. Sometimes it takes more pain and more time for some of us.

  2. Can I be completely honest? Being defined as “child of God” is great if you can figure out what that means. What I find is that it’s not “definitive” enough. There is no “job description,” if you will. For example – for me its mom. I am mom. Without my kids and without being a mom, I would be lost. I would not be me. I always wanted to be a mom, so when I finally became a mom, it was so easy to let it become my identity. And when I became a single mom, it completely overtook me as really my ONLY role. “Mom” comes with a job description. I love my kids, I care for my kids, I make decisions on behalf of my kids. I feed and clothe and bathe my kids. I take my kids to church and teach them about God. I send them to school and try to provide them with the best education. Ya see? It is defined. There is a job description. Likewise, in a job or any other role, there is a defined job description of how you fulfill that role. Define “child of God” for me? I know it’s the “correct” answer, but I need it spelled out for me. I need a “job description.” What does it look like to be defined as a “child of God”?

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