Filed under Spiritual Life

Living in the tension

I was talking with a friend about tension today. Tension is kinda a mixed bag.

Tension can be negative. It’s annoying. It builds up over time (sorta like I mentioned here) and distracts. Negative tension is uncomfortable because it can crush you.

Tension can also be positive. It comes when we find ourselves in the midst of a situation where we are no longer so worried about what others think. When we look less at outcomes as positive or negative, and more at who we are becoming in the process of living in the tension. When we live in the tension instead of fighting it, we become stretched and not squashed. We grow through the tension, we don’t shrink under it.

I am learning to live in the tension because that is the only way we can really live. I choose to grow, not be crushed. I want to live my life, not survive it. I mean, really, isn’t that what Jesus dreams for us?

I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.
John 10:10 (MSG) 

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I’m trying

I am a habitual try-er.  Somewhere in my history I picked up this defining habit of trying harder. It has become this vice-grip on my life. When I feel like I am underachieving I take a deep breath, tighten the vice and I…

Try harder.

It squeezes me, making me feel increasingly more pressure. Slowly, turn by turn, it begins to crush me. I realize how futile this kind of living is. It becomes futile to every aspect of my life and at the center is my spiritual life.

A life of trying is futile because everything I do in life is about what I can do. The more I live this “try harder” life, the more I realize how incapable to the task I am.

This “try harder” problem I have is probably the most frustrating aspect of my life. Unfortunately when I find myself trying harder, everything in me wants to try harder to stop trying harder!

Am I crazy? Am I the only one struggling with this habit? Where do you find yourself?

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