If 35 year old me could talk to 25 year old me

When we’re young we look forward to birthdays. They are filled with parties, sleep overs, gifts and friends. The older we get, the more they change. Today is my 35th birthday. The last several weeks have been filled with opportunities to think about where I’ve been, where I am and where I go from here.

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If you could travel through time, like flux capacitor, 1.21 gigawatts type time travel, and have a conversation with a younger you, what would you say?

If I could travel back in time and talk to 25 year old me, there is so much I’d say. I guess I start out by asking him what his dreams are. What do you really want to get out of this life. I think I can remember what those were but they are definitely more blurry today than they were then. I think he’d say that he wants to be more in love with his wife and kids every year as the family grows and becomes more like Jesus. I think he’d say that he wants be a part of a church that really gets the Gospel. I think he’d say that he wants to personally reach people far from God and help them see the face of Jesus. He’d say he wants to become a great husband, father and leader.

I would tell 25 year old me to get off the computer and get his priorities straight. I’d tell him how much his new family needs him to lead, to be the man that God made him to be. I’d share with him the importance of honesty, integrity and grace, both giving and receiving it. I’d share with him how much he’s going to need strong Christ-like men in his life and that he needs to start cultivating those relationships now.

Most importantly, I would share with him that when things get tough, and they will, he needs to lean into his family not withdrawal from it. When the valleys in family life come, ask for help don’t try to fix it alone. 25 year old Jason needs to know that the only way to navigate these waters in life is by growing in Christ.

I would hope that after hearing all this that 25 year old me would be convicted and then excited about what the future holds. Maybe, just maybe, 25 year old me would look back at himself 10 years later and say something like, “Keep living, keep dreaming, keep loving and keep growing in Christ. It’s not too late to make the dreams that God has placed in us reality.”

Just One Time…

…I’d like someone to tell me the truth.

“It’s probably not going to be better tomorrow.”

“This is gonna hurt for a long time.”

“This may be exactly where God wants you to be.”

That’s why I really like my counselor. He’s a truth-teller. He doesn’t mince words or sugarcoat. He shoots straight. He says things like, “Have you thought that maybe God wants you to be single?” Or the one that really sticks with me, “You have to be able to throw dirt on the grave of those expectations before the pain starts to heal.”

I’ve realized that many times I do people a disservice when I put a candy shell around their difficult circumstances. Now, I realize that I also have to be willing to walk the hard road with people. I can’t just be a truth-teller and drop a bomb on someone and then walk away. I can’t speak truth just for shock or to get a reaction. My heart has to be right. The recipient has to be ready to hear it and often it’s the truth-teller that needs to be the one that discerns that. You have to be there, walking with them in the middle of the crap to know if you can or should be a straight shooter in that moment. That’s not a license to lie…ever. It becomes about being able to discern the readiness of the person hearing the truth.

Singling Out

I never realized how hard it was to be a part of the Church as a single adult until I went through a divorce and became one.

When I worked full-time on church staffs, I honestly never thought about our programming implications for singles. We programmed for families, marrieds, even seniors but never singles. Looking back on that it was shameful. Our programming cause singles to be isolated and singled out of church life.595702_shadow

I’ve realized throughout my “church life” there has been this “push” or emphasis on getting married and being married. I think most people think and dream about what their adult lives will look like and most of the “most” dream of being married, but the churches I’ve been a part of seem to elevate marriage over singleness.

In Bible college, there was this unspoken pressure to find “The One” as fast as possible and move on toward engagement and marriage before graduation. Every time news of another engagement spread across our small campus, it was like the pressure cooker would turn up the heat even more. No one really verbalized any fear they might have had of the possibility of not finding a mate.  The spoken parts of this pressure where really cruel jokes. The joke for the ladies was that girls went to Bible college to gain their “MRS” degree. The joke for the guys was all about sexual pressures. The pressures of sexual purity on a Bible college campus seem to have been even greater than normal Christian college students. Every time a couple would get married while still in school, they would move to Married Student Housing. Among the guys on campus, Married Student Housing was known as “SexVille” “Congrats on moving on over to SexVille,” they’d say.
For the guys who were pastoral ministry majors there was an unspoken pressure that came from churches. If you were an unmarried pastoral ministry guy, you weren’t as marketable. I mean what does an unmarried pastor know about relationships in marriage and raising a family? No wonder so many couples moved to SexVille and began having kids!

Since becoming single, I realized that the Church can’t diminish singleness while elevating marriage. This thought was made clearer after reading this tweet by Grant Jenkins

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God can and will complete the good work he began in you just as much as a single adult as he will in you as a married adult. It has been said that marriage is more for our holiness than our happiness. It is also said that God is concerned more about our holiness than our happiness. God wants us to be holy as He is holy and will do that work in us single or married. It’s our heart He is concerned most about.

Singles…Take heart and seek Christ. He alone fulfills our greatest need.

Marrieds…It isn’t your calling to get singles “hitched” and on their way to “greater holiness.” Grow in Christ likeness and your marriage will flourish.

Church Leaders…Help people seek Christ and yearn for holiness. Single or married, young or old; make disciples. (Oh, and judge a pastoral candidate on passion for Christ and His Church, not on his marital status!)

Looking Back and Looking Forward

I was looking through some boxes I have in storage tonight. At times, looking through old stuff  can be fun. You find things that you haven’t seen in years. It brings back great memories. On the other hand, looking through old stuff can stir up old stuff that hurts.

Tonight, I found an old Moleskin that I would use to write notes in for all kinds of ideas, meeting notes and such. In that notebook, I found a list of life goals that I wrote several years back. This list is a mixed bag of great memories and old stuff that hurts.

I thought maybe I could list them here and celebrate the great stuff and verbalize the tough stuff.

Life Goals

- Cultivate 100 or more small group leadership relationships.

This goal has not yet come to completion. At first glance it seemed that this would be impossible since I am no longer in full-time ministry, but I’ve realized I haven’t taken advantage of my personal relationships and or shown enough initiative in my leadership.

- See my kids accept Christ and baptize them.

I love this one. I love even more that I’ve gotten the opportunity to help my kids go public in their faith through baptism.

- Live a healthy lifestyle so God can better use me.

I am in process on this one. I’ve begun running and watching what I’m eating. A work in progress.

- Write a book.

Wow. I remember when I wrote this down. Writing was a huge part of my life in a time past but it has definitely taken a looooong break. I’d love to resurrect this goal.

- Continually grow in Christ.

I can say I haven’t exactly done this very well. Sometimes it feels like 2 steps forward, one step back. Who am I kidding, its probably been one step forward and two steps back. On the bright side, I have realized my great need to be continually discipled.

- Cultivate a deeper relationship with my wife every day. 

This one is the hardest to look back on now, over three years removed from my divorce. That relationship is gone and I have to live with the fact that I did a poor job of realizing that goal.

- Invest in the lives of my kids so they might re-invest in the lives of others.

My kids are amazing. I love them more than I can express in words. I want to pour myself into them and teach them what it means to pour into those around them. I want them to become people who give, not take.

- Continually cultivate relationships with people not like me.

Shamefully, I confess I have done a poor job of this. I need more of God’s heart in my heart. I need His eyes.

- Read the Bible cover to cover every year. 

I haven’t made this goal yet but I’m working toward it.

- Lead with a “yes”

Leadership fails when we hold down the gifts of others and make ministry some bottleneck of meetings, committees and permission. I want to be a leader that leads with a YES! I want to be a leader who encourages and doesn’t discourage. I want t be a leader that empowers dreams, not kills them.

What goals do you have? Where are you in achieving them?

OneWord 2013 – KINGDOM

A few years ago I gave up resolutions. Resolutions become failure. It was all about what I could do, what I could change. By that standard, I start a new year, each and every year, as a failure. Instead, I took the challenge of my friend, Alece Ronzino and I instead, prayed about what God wanted to work on in me in the coming year.

Last year, my word was “MORE” and God did more in me that could have ever expected. His grace and love was more evident. 2012 was marked by my return to leadership ministry in the local church. God did amazing things in me in 2012.

In the last part of 2012 God started to reveal my word for 2013. Over and over again His message to me was “My Kingdom Come…”

In Luke 11:2, Jesus told his disciples…

When you pray, say: Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come.

That is my prayer in 2013…God, bring your kingdom into my half-hearted life. Give me your eyes, your heart, your passions. God, more of you and less of me. That is my one word…

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Postcards…

When was the last time you sent or received a postcard? I’m not gonna lie, it’s been awhile on both fronts. It hasn’t been so long that I don’t remember what it was like to receive one.
When you get that postcard with a picture of a place you’ve never been, it automatically sends you to that place, some time in the future, when you yourself will be there. You can just dream of it…

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When you are the sender, you know the importance of painting the perfect picture of the place you’d love to see that friend or family member. It’s like we’re playing advocate, ambassador of that locale, to our friends.

I was reminded of a quote this morning by John Whitehead…

“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.”

The most important postcard I will ever write is on the heart of my kids. The truths that we live by and teach to them will determine the course of their lives and the expanse of our legacy.
As a dad that follows Jesus, I’m less concerned about my legacy as I am of what kind of legacy of the Gospel I leave in their hearts.

I want my kids’ dreams to be about the impact their lives are, can and will make for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I was reminded this morning that its never too late to become intentional about writing a real, life-giving message onto their hearts…

Most importantly, I am reminded that I cannot write a postcard of Kingdom significance on my kids’ hearts if I’ve never gone there myself. The best way to disciple your children is to be discipled. All this isn’t just about us, it’s about those who we influence, one way or the other.

Let’s get writing…

Looking past

I find myself in a holding pattern right now. I know where I want to be and I can easily make a case it’s where I need to be.

But, that’s not where I am.

For whatever reason, I am still here, not there.

But, I am convinced there IS a reason.

It is so easy to make things about me, about how I feel, what I want, what I need. Yesterday, I was reminded AGAIN, it’s not about me.

I went to my small group (I love my LIFEhouse, they are so awesome!). We spent time at the end praying and I could feel myself getting cranky and irritable over the fact that I wouldn’t be where I think I should be.

After group, I went for a run and instead of listening to my usual worship music, I felt like listening to a message podcast. I opened my podcast app and just started a random podcast.

The message that came on was from Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC and the message title was “Waiting Room: If I have to wait, I’m gonna get to work.”

and the quote that stuck out to me and the one I can’t shake from my mind is…

Be more concerned with God’s glory than your release from your current situation. @hollyfurtick

Wow, God! I realized that even though this situation that I find myself in is fairly new, I have already spent way too much time wishing my circumstances away. While I was doing all my whining I’ve been missing all the opportunities to glorify God in the midst of it all.

It’s not about me.

Why do I have such a difficult time remembering that and putting it into practice? Oh, humanity. We are so frail and so broken, and we seem to do the most damage to ourselves.

It has always been and always will be about Him.

My purpose is clear, to glorify Him in everything. He has a purpose for this time that I cannot see or appreciate right now, but I can always appreciate Him. I can always praise Him. I need my focus to be sure. I need to stay centered on Him.